


The Smuggler Who Should Know Better

by MuffinOfVillainyAndDoom



Series: KotFE - The Smuggler [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: Crack, Gen, He's probably still holding a grudge for that one dick joke, Humor, Irresponsible use of the Force, Koth is oblivious, Poor Lana, She should get paid for this, Valkorion still not helping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-30 17:14:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5172500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuffinOfVillainyAndDoom/pseuds/MuffinOfVillainyAndDoom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once more Lana must remind our heroic smuggler that using Valkorion's power is a bad idea. Revelations are made, Koth no longer has to feel guilty for liking the Outlander, and Valkorion is (probably) not holding a grudge or trying to eat your soul.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Smuggler Who Should Know Better

“Hey, can you pass me that hydrospanner,” asked Koth, half of his body out of sight, within the innards of the ship.

“Sure,” the female smuggler chirped.

Lana’s head jerked up in alarm. “Wait—“

Too late. The Outlander’s eyes glowed purple as the hydrospanner gently floated from the toolbox into Koth's awaiting hand.

“Thanks,” Koth muttered distractedly, still preoccupied with the repairs.

The Sith gave an aggravated snarl. “Stop using Valkorion’s power!”

Raising her hands placatingly the smuggler answered, “Okay, okay! Won’t happen again.”

“You keep _saying_ that! It’s never true!”

“Look, I think you’re overreacting a bit…”

“I’m overreacting?!”

“Just a little bit,” the heroic smuggler soothed. “Really, what do you think is going to happen? Valkorion devouring my soul and taking over my body?”

“YES,” cried the Sith in exasperation.

The smuggler paused. “Oh.”

“What did you think I meant when I warned that there could be a great personal cost for these powers,” asked Lana, wondering whether she really wanted to know.

Her friend shrugged. “Well you know—the usual: my ship, my speeder, my personal stash of spice—“

Lana sighed and rubbed her forehead as the beginnings of a headache emerged.

“—political favors, sexual favors—“

Wait, what?

“—my organs, my—“

“Alright! I get it,” Lana exclaimed. She really shouldn’t have asked.

“Which is all ridiculous because the Emperor is a great and noble man,” said Koth, suddenly paying attention to the conversation.

“Oh Force, not this again,” muttered Lana.

“Look this Vitiate guy is clearly someone completely different—“

“Do you think he’s still angry at that dick joke I made on Ziost,” asked the smuggler suddenly.

“When you accused him of overcompensating for something? Probably,” replied Lana. “And Valkorion _is_ Vitiate. He felt the same as the Sith Emperor and every Jedi and Sith in the galaxy will tell you the same damn thing.”

“I don’t believe it,” said Koth mulishly. “You don’t know what he’s like—“

A flash of purple light enveloped the room as the Outlander used Valkorion’s power to flash fry her snack.

“What did I just say,” snapped Lana.

“I was hungry,” was what Lana assumed her friend was trying to say around her food.

“I’m sure Valkorion is hungry too—FOR YOUR SOUL!”

Koth scoffed. “Don’t be so dramatic, Lana.”

“Well since you seem to think he’s such a great guy, why don’t we ask Valkorion to move into your head instead,” Lana asked curtly.

“What? No,” protested the smuggler.

“Your dependency on Valkorion’s power is both disturbing and completely idiotic—“

“At least Valkorion doesn’t think I’m an idiot—“

“I highly doubt that—“

The smuggler continued louder, “And he’s been nothing but helpful.”

“I highly doubt there is no ulterior motive to Valkorion being ‘helpful’ to his own murderer,” Lana pointed out irritably.

The Outlander quieted suddenly, her gaze glued to the floor.

Lana watched her a moment, her friend’s face steadily turned red, and suddenly a suspicion arose in her mind.

“You didn’t kill him,” Lana said flatly.

“I don’t see how people could possibly think I could,” muttered the smuggler. “I’m not some fancy Force-user, I’m just good with a blaster.”

While Lana continued to stared blankly the Outlander, Koth finally shook out of the stupor that that revelation put him into.

“Wait… You didn’t kill the Emperor? This is great! I was feeling guilty for actually liking you.”

“Right.”

“So… what happened then? Who killed him?” asked Koth before suddenly gasping. “It was Arcann, wasn’t it?!”

“It was,” the smuggler confirmed.

“Fantastic,” said Koth happily. He then packed up his tools and exited the room, whistling jauntily, faith in humanity restored.

Lana too, left the room, but not before saying over her shoulder, “We’ll speak of this more later.” Leaving the smuggler alone.

The room finally empty, the smuggler turned to look at the Emperor’s apparition. “You’re not still sour about the dick joke, right?”


End file.
